219. An important person in your life?
Everyone in my life is important. That’s why I keep them here.
218. What life lesson did you learn the hard way?
I’m not sure if it’s a life lesson but I definitely learned to always watch where I’m going the hard way.
I can’t remember how old I was but it was around summer time. We had a small back yard that had a small play house, metal clothes line poles, and had half of it taken up by the garage. My sister, the neighbor kid, and I were playing tag in our two yards and the front of the house one day. My sister was “it” and we had lost her in the front of the house. As the neighbor kid and I were peeking around the corner of my house and hers to see if she was on the small strip of sidewalk separating our houses. Before we got to the edge of the house she came around the corner and surprised us. I turned to run and ran into the clothes line pole. I burst into tears and the game was over. I had a black eye for a week or so and the doctor said I couldn’t go outside without a big band aid over my eye.
At least that’s what happened the first time I ran into that pole. The second time I don’t even remember what happened. I remember needing an x-ray because my mom was afraid I might have brain damage this time and that we got that pole removed but that’s it.
I always look where I’m going now. If I need to turn around then I stop walking altogether even if it means inconveniencing everyone who now has to walk around me.
217. What gets you excited about life?
The prospect of a dangerous, life changing, but worth wild adventure.
216. What is the most sensible thing you ever heard someone say?
I’m not sure who I heard this from or where or when but it has stuck with me for so long I’m not even sure I really heard someone say it.
Someone said, “That’s offensive.” Which someone else replied “Only if you let it be.” Six simple words that I can’t get out of my head if I tried.
I hear those words when ever someone say something that I think is mean. I remind myself of it before I chastise someone for making a racist joke.
While there are plenty of things in this world that you need to stand up to and speak out agents and get mad about there are times when you need to just sit down and in joy the ride. Relax a minute and forget the troubles in the world.
215. How do you compare yourself too?
I read somewhere someone describe being introverted as being Tony Stark/Robert Downey Jr. in your head and Castile in real life. Which i found to be painfully accurate.
I find myself comparing to the person I am in my head. Never often enough to matter but enough to know the difference.
214. Are you afraid of change?
Isn’t every one?
I have a picture my mom took of me on my first day of 1st grade at a new school where I’m looking up at her with tears streaming down my face, lip quivering, and eyes pleading with her not to make me go. All because I didn’t want to change my class and the people in it.
My first day of preschool I just didn’t get on the bus. My sister and I were on the stairs of the bus and calling for my mom to hurry up and get on but she said she isn’t going to school. My sister and I exchanged a look and then declared that if she wasn’t going then neither were we. The second day there was no getting out if it and I cried the whole day. All because I didn’t want to change my day to spend it away from my mom.
More recently I’ve been thinking about the day I finally move out before quickly thinking about something else. I get butterflies and the feeling that I’m going to start to cry. All because I don’t want to change where I live.
213. Do you believe in fairies?
From what I’ve heard they are scary mean little fuckers. That’s not why don’t believe in them though. To be honest I don’t know why I don’t believe I just don’t. But I’m not afraid to have my mind changed.
212. When I look in my eyes I see…
I don’t mean to always have that scared bunny look, but I do. I see it when I catch myself in a mirror unexpectedly. Weather I’m in public or not. It’s just there with no expectation.
211. If you could do it all over again would you change anything?
Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe fuck yourself.
(This is the moment when you all find out I have no idea how to use/ make gifs.)
To be honest I’m not sure what I’d do. On one hand everything that’s happened to me made me who I am. And I LOVE who I am. On the other there are something I wish I’d said or done differently. Stand up for a friend of mine getting teased and bullied, tell another one thank you for something they probably don’t even remember, or even start learning something I’ve always wanted to sooner.
210. What would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail?
Buy a lottery ticket with a multimillion pot. If I can’t fail then that means that I win the lottery.
First I’d make my money work for me. Find something to invest it in that will insure I never have to think about money again.
Second I’d buy my parents house and sign the deed over to them. I’d do the same with their cars. Whether they want me to or not.
Third I’d make weekly donations to different nonprofit charities. Not sure which ones or how much but I’d figure it out.